Experts warn that if you stop listening to them they’ll feel sad

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S. — As distrust in experts reaches record highs across the country, many experts are issuing a dire warning that if you stop listening to them it will make them feel sad.

“We cannot stress enough just how serious this is,” said Harvard Sociologist Marv Werdleskeez, an expert on experts. “If people stop unquestionably believing every single thing experts say, experts’ feelings will be very hurt. Then they might lose their confidence and retire from being experts. This will leave us with no more experts and everyone will die.”

According to a survey of experts nationwide, 90% of experts believe it would be very terrible if everyone stopped believing them. The other 10% said they would jump off a cliff. Sources familiar with the impending crisis say we are running out of time to start believing the experts before it’s too late. “Lives are at stake,” said Werdleskeez. “If we don’t salvage the self-esteem of the expert class soon, it could be catastrophic.”

At publishing time, several experts disagreed that the “expert crisis” was really a crisis, leading to them being immediately demoted from being experts.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 21st, 2023 at 1:22 pm and is filed under Babylon Bee. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

12 Responses to Experts warn that if you stop listening to them they’ll feel sad

  1. L.K. Latham says:
    March 21, 2023 at 2:49 pm

    Very timely. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Cederq says:
    March 21, 2023 at 3:50 pm

    Jump, expert, jump… Play at being a Wall Street Investor in 1929. You brought this on yourself. I have no pity or sympathy for you, you lied, you obfuscated, you created chaos and may have gotten people hurt and killed for power and money.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Peter's pondering says:
    March 21, 2023 at 3:51 pm

    I always take my lead from the youngest influencer I can find!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Experts warn that if you stop listening to them they’ll feel sad — bluebird of bitterness – chazrothmsg says:
    March 21, 2023 at 4:20 pm

    […] Experts warn that if you stop listening to them they’ll feel sad — bluebird of bitterness […]

    Liked by 1 person

  5. SasjaL says:
    March 21, 2023 at 5:12 pm

    When experts acts like charlatans, who is to blame? [ret]

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Herb says:
    March 21, 2023 at 5:15 pm

    The definition I learned of an expert is: an ex is a has-been and a spurt is a drip under pressure.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tricia says:
    March 21, 2023 at 7:38 pm

    Pity the poor experts! Not, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Catsandcoffee says:
    March 21, 2023 at 8:55 pm

    I don’t believe this. An Expert probably wrote it. HA

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The Sicilian Storyteller says:
    March 22, 2023 at 7:03 am

    In my non-expert (but correct) opinion, I say “Hell yeah” to 100% jumping off a cliff.

    Liked by 1 person

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