Experts warn that if you stop listening to them they’ll feel sad

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S. — As distrust in experts reaches record highs across the country, many experts are issuing a dire warning that if you stop listening to them it will make them feel sad.

“We cannot stress enough just how serious this is,” said Harvard Sociologist Marv Werdleskeez, an expert on experts. “If people stop unquestionably believing every single thing experts say, experts’ feelings will be very hurt. Then they might lose their confidence and retire from being experts. This will leave us with no more experts and everyone will die.”

According to a survey of experts nationwide, 90% of experts believe it would be very terrible if everyone stopped believing them. The other 10% said they would jump off a cliff. Sources familiar with the impending crisis say we are running out of time to start believing the experts before it’s too late. “Lives are at stake,” said Werdleskeez. “If we don’t salvage the self-esteem of the expert class soon, it could be catastrophic.”

At publishing time, several experts disagreed that the “expert crisis” was really a crisis, leading to them being immediately demoted from being experts.

12 Responses to Experts warn that if you stop listening to them they’ll feel sad

  1. L.K. Latham says:

    Very timely. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Cederq says:

    Jump, expert, jump… Play at being a Wall Street Investor in 1929. You brought this on yourself. I have no pity or sympathy for you, you lied, you obfuscated, you created chaos and may have gotten people hurt and killed for power and money.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I always take my lead from the youngest influencer I can find!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. […] Experts warn that if you stop listening to them they’ll feel sad — bluebird of bitterness […]

    Liked by 1 person

  5. SasjaL says:

    When experts acts like charlatans, who is to blame? [ret]

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Herb says:

    The definition I learned of an expert is: an ex is a has-been and a spurt is a drip under pressure.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tricia says:

    Pity the poor experts! Not, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t believe this. An Expert probably wrote it. HA

    Liked by 1 person

  9. In my non-expert (but correct) opinion, I say “Hell yeah” to 100% jumping off a cliff.

    Liked by 1 person

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