Sunday funnies

Pastoral Search Committee Report

The committee thanks everyone who suggested candidates for this position. We have followed up on each one. Here is our report: 

Adam: Good man but has problems with his wife.

Noah: Prone to unrealistic building projects.

Joseph: Obnoxious braggart with a prison record.

Moses: Has a speech impediment and a bad temper. Rumored to have left an earlier position over a murder charge.

David: Had an affair with a married woman, then had her husband bumped off and used the power of his office to avoid charges.

Solomon: Good preacher, but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.

Elijah: Bad temper, prone to depression and occasional suicidal tendencies.

Hosea: Good man, but our people could never handle his wife’s profession.

Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things.

Isaiah: Claims to have seen angels in church. 

Jonah: Refused God’s call until after he’d been swallowed by a giant fish.

Amos: Has hangups about wealthy people. Might fit in better with a poorer congregation.

John: Claims to be a Baptist, but definitely doesn’t dress like one. Has slept outdoors for months on end. Weird diet. 

Jesus: Provokes denominational leaders. Seldom stays in one place long.

Peter: Too blue collar. Bad temper. Rumored to have denied Christ publicly.

Paul: Tactless, has a prison record, and has been known to preach all night.

Timothy: Too young.

Judas: Good connections. Knows how to handle money. Cares about the poor. We’ve invited him to preach this Sunday.

20 Responses to Sunday funnies

  1. V.M.Sang says:

    Oh, I really love this. I’m definitely sharing it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. V.M.Sang says:

    Reblogged this on Dragons Rule OK. V.M.Sang (author) and commented:
    Some hilarious thoughts on biblical personnel, courtesy of Bluebird of Bitterness.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sue Cass says:

    Oh my. I’m glad I wasn’t on that committee. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pure Glory says:

    This a good one. So glad that God looks at people differently than man!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What could possibly go wrong!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Cederq says:

    Just about as correct as you can make it! Married to two preachers kids and blessedly not now and the fathers were not as Godly as you would think…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Citizen Tom says:

    Given the pastors in charge of some churches, that should be too realistic to be funny. Yet what makes humor funny is that it has an element of truth. Ain’t that funny?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. egorr says:


    Liked by 1 person

  9. I got a bad feeling about this.😳

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The irony is hilarious. Human resource departments beware!

    Liked by 1 person

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