When we last saw Phil in Shy Guy (1947), he was struggling to overcome his loneliness and social awkwardness — a task he ultimately accomplishes by following the sage advice of his father. At some point between 1947 and 1952, Phil somehow managed to acquire a younger brother, Ray, who also has a thing or two to learn about friendship. Now Phil — who has gone from friendless geek to Mister Popularity — is in a position to give little brother Ray the benefit of his superior wisdom.
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From The Babylon Bee.
Local Christian Comes Out As Bidenominational
GREENBELT, MD—Stephen Page has always found himself attracted not only to the Baptist tradition that raised him, but also, secretly, to Presbyterianism, a denomination that he has long considered timeless and beautiful—and after years of living a “double life,” the local man has finally come out to his friends and family and officially identified himself as bidenominational.
A relieved Page spoke to reporters outside of Trinity Presbyterian Church after his big announcement Thursday, describing himself as “relieved” and “finally free.”
“I go to a Baptist church, and I go to a Presbyterian church. I love them both. It’s who I am,” he said. “Do I find believer’s baptism to be biblical and beautiful? Yes. But guess what? I’m down with some paedobaptism too.”
“Sometimes I’ll even hit the early service at the Presby church, watch a baby get sprinkled, and then go rock out at my Baptist church’s 11 a.m. service and see some folks get dunked,” he admitted. “I love who I am and wouldn’t want to be any other way.”
Asked if he had ever dabbled in Lutheranism, and intrigued Page said no, and added that he was “definitely going to look into that.”
See also: Snopes Rates Babylon Bee World’s Most Accurate News Source
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THE BLUEBIRD OF BITTERNESS
Home sweet home
Bob's sister Hannah
Bob's sister Ada
Bob's sister Eve
Bob's sister Nan
Bob's brother Otto
A baby picture of Bob and his siblings (clockwise from upper left: Otto, Eve, Hannah, Ada, Bob, and Nan)
Bob's childhood home
Bob's mom and dad
Bob in his youth
Bob's Uncle Ralph and Aunt Edna
Bob's cousin Archibald
Bob's stepbrother Herbie (who really needs to quit smoking)
Bob's cousin Chester
Bob's Great Uncle Norbert and Great Aunt Phyllis
Bob's cousin Saffron (who will do anything for a drink)
Bob's sister-in-law Sybil
Bob's cousin Thorndike
Bob's brother-in-law Vinnie
Bob's cousin Orville, who loves the Green Bay Packers
Bob's nieces Lulu and Bitsy, the biker chicks
Bob's stepsister Eloise, with the twins, Rudy and Trudy
Bob's Uncle Henry and Aunt Rowena
Bob's niece Esmerelda (who likes to live dangerously)
Bob's Great Uncle Arthur up in Saskatchewan
Bob's cousin Louie, the grackle of grumpiness
Bob's nephew Virgil, who loves sports
Miss Screech, Bob's journalism teacher
Bob's second cousin Schlomo in Brooklyn
Bob's Uncle Seymour and Aunt Bernice
Bob's nephew Baxter
Nigel, Bob's pen pal in New Zealand
Bob's sister-in-law Delphine, who volunteers at the animal shelter
Percy the Pickpocket, Bob's third cousin once removed (the relative no one likes to talk about... every family has one)
The Bluebird of Happiness™ (no relation to Bob)
A pair of boobies (also no relation to Bob, but included for readers who desire titillation)
A pair of tits (in case the boobies were insufficiently titillating)
Bluebird Bitter™, the beer they named for Bob
Some people take things way too literally
September 21, 2017Share this:
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