How to have a good time with stuff you probably have lying around the house

April 10, 2018

English major jocularity

April 9, 2018

Happy March 14

March 14, 2018

More bar jokes for English majors

March 6, 2018

When I published Bar jokes for English majors, I had a sneaking suspicion that my faithful readers — and perhaps even a few faithless ones — would chime in with additions of their own, and they did not disappoint. They inspired me to write a few more as well. So here we go with round two:

An adverb walks into a bar purposefully, demands a bottle of whiskey urgently, consumes it single-handedly, and passes out immediately.

A homonym woks into a barre.

A flirtatious semicolon walks into a bar and winks at a colon who’s making eyes at her.

His, hers, theirs, mine, yours, and ours walk into a bar and quickly take possession.

Alliteration arrives at an authentic Alabama alehouse and asks for applejack.

A contraction walks into a bar even though it isn’t thirsty, doesn’t feel like drinking, and can’t explain why someone who’s not in the mood to drink wouldn’t avoid bars.

A spoonerism balks into a war and has a muddy blary.

An anagram walks into a bar owned by an anemic iceman from the cinema.

Redundancy walks into a bar that serves alcoholic beverages and asks for scotch on the rocks over ice cubes.

After work, before going home, a preposition walks into a bar beside the parking lot behind the office, and drinks with reckless abandon throughout the evening, ending up under the table.

An incomplete sentence into a bar

A thesaurus walks/ambles/saunters/wanders/strides/traipses into a bar.

Onomatopoeia whizzes into a bar, barks out an order, guzzles a drink, then zips out with a whoosh.

A misplaced apostrophe walk’s into a bar and drink’s a few beer’s.

Subject and verb walk into a bar, but the bartender kicks them out because they don’t agree.

An interjection walks into a bar — ouch!

A heteronym walks into a bar, even though it’s close to time for the place to close. 

Bob, Eve, Hannah, Otto, Ada, Nan, Mom, and Dad walk into The Palindrome Saloon. 

Alphabet. Barroom. Cocktails. Drinking. Euphoric. Fried. Giddy. Hammered. Inebriated. Juiced. Kippered. Loaded. Muddled. Narcotized. Obliviated. Pickled. Quaffy. Ravaged. Schnockered. Tanked. Unsteady. Vulcanized. Wasted. 

William Shakespeare walks into a pub
In search of refreshment and levity;
He asks the bar maid for some spiked lemonade,
Having heard it increases longevity;
Then he says to the lass, “Use a very short glass,
For the soul of wit is brevity.”

English major jocularity

March 2, 2018

Let’s face it

March 1, 2018

Happy birthday, Gioachino

February 28, 2018

Gioachino Rossini (1792-1868) doesn’t actually get a birthday this year, since he was born on February 29, but we’re going to wish him a happy birthday anyway. Here is his William Tell Overture, played slightly out of sequence by Mickey Mouse and his band, with Donald Duck supplying the counterpoint.

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