Bored of education — traffic court edition

August 10, 2017

In the traffic court of a large city, a woman was brought before a rather tired-looking judge to answer for a ticket she’d received for running a red light. She informed the judge that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate dismissal of her case so she could get to school on time. 

The judge brightened up immediately. “I’ve waited for years to have a schoolteacher in this court,” he said. “Now sit down at that table, and write ‘I drove through a red light’ five hundred times.”

 


Appearances can be deceiving

August 9, 2017


Happy birthday, Sara

August 8, 2017

In honor of the birthday of American poet Sara Teasdale (1884-1933), here is a choral setting of her poem “Only in Sleep.”

Only in sleep I see their faces,
Children I played with when I was a child,
Louise comes back with her brown hair braided,
Annie with ringlets warm and wild.

Only in sleep Time is forgotten—
What may have come to them, who can know?
Yet we played last night as long ago,
And the doll-house stood at the turn of the stair.

The years had not sharpened their smooth round faces,
I met their eyes and found them mild—
Do they, too, dream of me, I wonder,
And for them am I too a child?


Birds of a feather

August 8, 2017


Mother returns home from women’s retreat to giant smoking crater

August 7, 2017

From The Babylon Bee.

TUCSON, AZ—Wife and mother Rachel Peterson returned home Sunday night from her church’s annual women’s retreat to find a giant, smoking crater where her home once stood, sources confirmed.

According to sources, Peterson had left for the church-sponsored weekend in the mountains Friday afternoon, leaving her husband in charge of watching the house and kids.

“I only requested two things—keep the kids alive, and don’t burn the house down,” an exasperated Peterson reportedly said to her husband, who sat on a charred tree stump in the blackened front yard with their three children. “Just two things.”

“For goodness sake, I was only gone for like 48 hours,” she added.

Sources also confirmed the children had subsisted on a diet of microwaved pizzas and Netflix shows until the house exploded sometime on Sunday.

At publishing time, Peterson had begun rebuilding the house on her own using several creative ideas found on Pinterest.


Sunday funnies

August 6, 2017


Sunday musical offering

August 6, 2017

In honor of the birthday of Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809-1892), here is a choral setting of his poem “Crossing the Bar.”

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.


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