From The Babylon Bee.
BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Once-popular child star Junior Asparagus, who rose to fame beginning with hit VeggieTales video Where’s God When I’m S-Scared? at just five years old, was arrested on charges of drug possession and resisting arrest early Friday morning after being pulled over for erratic driving, the Beverly Hills Police Department confirmed.
The mug shot, attained by TMZ, shows a gaunt, pixelated Asparagus staring vacantly at the camera through bloodshot eyes.
The 28-year-old spring vegetable rose to prominence with his breakout VeggieTales role, but was unable to find steady work after being replaced by an up-and-coming lookalike around the time of Big Idea’s bankruptcy in 2003.
“I hope this is a wake-up call for him,” Dad Asparagus said to reporters outside his modest home in the suburbs of Chicago. “He used to be such a good kid, never got in trouble, before he got involved with the wrong crowd. I think Laura [Carrot] was a really bad influence on him, on and off the set.”
“She even broke my prized bowling plate once and never fessed up to it,” he added.
“We thought he had hit bottom when he started posting pictures of his wild nights out with the shroom brothers on his Instagram,” Mom Asparagus chimed in, choking back tears. “And when the show continued down the path of moral therapeutic deism, he just got disillusioned.”
“If you see this, Junior, we love you very much. But you need to get help.”