One morning Mrs. Green’s dishwasher stopped working. She called a repairman, who told her he could stop by that afternoon at one o’clock.
“There won’t be anyone home then, but I’ll leave the front door unlocked,” she said. “There’s just one thing you need to know. My dog won’t bother you, but do not, under any circumstances, talk to my parrot!”
The repairman arrived at the house that afternoon and went to the kitchen. There he found a parrot in a cage by the window, and an enormous bulldog lying in the corner. Feeling a little nervous, he went to work.
As promised, the dog left him alone, but the parrot was another matter. It kept up a constant stream of ear-splitting screeches, taunts, and insults, until the repairman couldn’t take it any longer. Finally he yelled, “Shut up, you stupid bird!”
The parrot stopped its screeching and said calmly, “Get him, Spike!”
In the seven years since the bluebird of bitterness was hatched, it has gone from an obscure little blog that no one had ever heard of to an obscure little blog that most people have never heard of. More importantly, it has provided more or less steady employment to Bob’s brother Otto and his sisters Nan, Ada, Hannah, and Eve. Bob was even able to hire a few new employees this year, which made the annual office party a lot more fun for his siblings, since they were able to leave all the planning and preparations to the new hires.
Late one night a burglar broke into a house that he thought was unoccupied. He hadn’t gotten far when he heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching.”
The burglar froze.
After a brief silence the voice repeated, “Jesus is watching.”
The burglar looked where the voice seemed to be coming from, and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Jesus is watching,” repeated the parrot.
“Shut up, you stupid bird,” said the burglar.
“I’m not a stupid bird,” said the parrot. “I’m John the Baptist.”
“John the Baptist? What kind of idiot names a bird John the Baptist?”
“The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesus.”