October 16, 2018
A truck carrying 24 penguins bound for the city zoo broke down on the highway. The trucker knew it would take some time to repair, so he flagged down a van and offered the driver fifty dollars if he would take the penguins to the zoo. The driver agreed, so all the penguins got out of the truck and piled into the van.
When his truck was finally repaired, the trucker went to the zoo to make sure that the penguins had arrived safely. But when he got to the zoo, the penguins weren’t there. He jumped back into his truck and drove around town, searching for them. He finally spotted the driver and all 24 penguins walking along a busy downtown street.
“You were supposed to take those penguins to the zoo,” said the trucker.
“I did,” said the driver. “But there was still some money left over, so I’m taking them to a movie.”
April 12, 2018
One morning Mrs. Green’s dishwasher stopped working. She called a repairman, who told her he could stop by that afternoon at one o’clock.
“There won’t be anyone home then, but I’ll leave the front door unlocked,” she said. “There’s just one thing you need to know. My dog won’t bother you, but do not, under any circumstances, talk to my parrot!”
The repairman arrived at the house that afternoon and went to the kitchen. There he found a parrot in a cage by the window, and an enormous bulldog lying in the corner. Feeling a little nervous, he went to work.
As promised, the dog left him alone, but the parrot was another matter. It kept up a constant stream of ear-splitting screeches, taunts, and insults, until the repairman couldn’t take it any longer. Finally he yelled, “Shut up, you stupid bird!”
The parrot stopped its screeching and said calmly, “Get him, Spike!”
February 15, 2018
In the seven years since the bluebird of bitterness was hatched, it has gone from an obscure little blog that no one had ever heard of to an obscure little blog that most people have never heard of. More importantly, it has provided more or less steady employment to Bob’s brother Otto and his sisters Nan, Ada, Hannah, and Eve. Bob was even able to hire a few new employees this year, which made the annual office party a lot more fun for his siblings, since they were able to leave all the planning and preparations to the new hires.
Sylvia volunteered to handle the refreshments. There’s nothing Sylvia enjoys more than feeding people, unless it’s trying out new recipes on her unsuspecting kids.
Lamar and Lucille helped by gathering ingredients for her.
Trisha and Victoria made the party hats…
Doreen did the floral arrangements…
… and Virgil and Artemis were in charge of games, even though everyone knew what the games would end up being if Virgil and Artemis were in charge.
Cleo and Mimi were the entertainment committee. Their cousin Cicilia is an up-and-coming opera singer, currently starring in “The Thieving Magpie,” and they persuaded her to come and warble a few arias.
Everyone said the cupcakes Sylvia made were too pretty to eat… then went ahead and ate them anyway.
Arnold took first place in the skateboard competition…
… and Cicilia’s singing was a big hit with everyone!
Well, almost everyone. Otto grumbled because there were no English subtitles…
…and Lamar and Lucille got into an argument over whether “The Thieving Magpie” or “The Barber of Seville” was Rossini’s greatest opera. It ended the way Lamar and Lucille’s arguments usually end.
Bob had to threaten to fire the both of them if they didn’t stop their squabbling, and he told Lamar to go soak his head.
Which Lamar did.
In spite of all that, it was a great day. There was a congratulatory call from Mom and Dad down in Florida…
…and one from second cousin Schlomo in New York…
…and even one from third cousin Robin in Dorchester-on-Thames!
All in all, an anniversary to remember.