Despite the name of the channel, this is most emphatically not “a southern thing.” I’ve lived my whole life north of the Mason-Dixon line, and this explains why I shop online whenever possible — and why, when I must shop locally, I always use the self-checkout lane.
(Thanks to my friend mindful webworker for this one.)
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circus of life | Tagged: biting social commentary | 
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Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Health and safety tip: If you’re going to steal a bicycle, at least don’t do it right outside a police station.
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Posted by bluebird of bitterness
22 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: biting social commentary, geek humor | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
From The Babylon Bee.
NORTH POLE—Citing his inability to keep up with Amazon’s lightning-fast shipping times and low prices, Santa Claus filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy today and will cease all shipping operations for the 2018 Christmas season.
Kids around the world are less interested in writing a letter to Santa and hoping they get what they wanted by the time December 25 rolls around and more apt to just hop onto their parents’ Amazon account and get exactly what they want with free Prime shipping.
“I take, like, a whole year to ship a few presents, but Amazon can get you stuff the same day—for free!” Claus lamented as he looked over a mounting stack of bills from reindeer handlers, sleigh repair shops, and toy suppliers. “I just can’t compete with that.”
“Amazon is putting more and more mom-and-pop mythical jolly gift-giving operations like mine out of business, and it’s just really sad,” he added.
He claims gift requests are down 425% this year, a massive deficit his operation just can’t overcome. Claus attempted to reignite children’s enthusiasm and build supplemental income by launching a Twitch channel last year, but he kept losing Fortnite matches due to the massive amounts of lag on his internet connection at the North Pole. The channel folded within three months as Claus bled subscribers daily.
Upon the declaration of bankruptcy, Amazon quickly put a bid in on Claus’ assets and will likely emerge as the sole owner of all North Pole operations after reorganization.
More stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:
Facebook Suffers Brief Outage, Utopia Breaks Out Around World
Duggar Family Discovers Kid They Forgot They Even Had in Couch Cushions
Global Warming Pinned on Kid Who Keeps Leaving the Front Door Wide Open While the Heater Is On
In Upcoming Reboot, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to Sue Santa Claus for Discrimination
Immigrants Turn Around and Go Home After Seeing Updated National Debt Figure
Santa Claus Converts to Calvinism, Moves Everybody to Naughty List
8 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: Babylon Bee, biting social commentary, Christmas | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
21 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: biting social commentary, geek humor | Permalink
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25 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: biting social commentary, signs | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Home sweet home
Bob's sister Hannah
Bob's sister Ada
Bob's brother Otto
Bob's sister Eve
Bob's sister Nan
A baby picture of Bob and his siblings (clockwise from upper left: Otto, Eve, Hannah, Ada, Bob, and Nan)
Bob's childhood home
Bob's mom and dad
Bob in his youth
Bob's cousin Alphonse
Bob's Uncle Ralph and Aunt Edna
Bob's cousin Archibald
Bob's stepbrother Herbie (who really needs to quit smoking)
Bob's cousin Chester
Bob's Great Uncle Norbert and Great Aunt Phyllis
Bob's cousin Saffron (who will do anything for a drink)
Bob's sister-in-law Sybil
Bob's cousin Thorndike
Bob's brother-in-law Vinnie
Bob's cousin Orville, who loves the Green Bay Packers
Bob's nieces Lulu and Bitsy, the biker chicks
Bob's stepsister Eloise, with the twins, Rudy and Trudy
Bob's Uncle Henry and Aunt Rowena
Bob's niece Esmerelda (who likes to live dangerously)
Bob's Great Uncle Arthur up in Saskatchewan
Bob's cousin Louie, the grackle of grumpiness
Miss Screech, Bob's journalism teacher
Bob's nephew Winthrop, who loves sports
Bob's Uncle Seymour and Aunt Bernice
Bob's second cousin Schlomo in Brooklyn
Bob's nephew Baxter
Bob's cousin Darrell
Nigel, Bob's pen pal in New Zealand
Bob's sister-in-law Delphine, who volunteers at the animal shelter
Percy the Pickpocket, Bob's third cousin once removed (the relative no one likes to talk about... every family has one)
The Bluebird of Happiness™ (no relation to Bob)
A pair of boobies (also no relation to Bob, but included for readers who desire titillation)
A pair of tits (in case the boobies were insufficiently titillating)
Bluebird Bitter™, the beer they named for Bob
The elevator
February 12, 2019By all accounts, Super Bowl 2019 was a real snoozefest, but some of the commercials weren’t half bad. I’m informed by those in a position to know that this was one of the best.
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