Bill Nye to dress up as real scientist for Halloween

October 30, 2017

From The Babylon Bee.

ENCINO, CA—Speaking to reporters Tuesday, television personality Bill Nye announced his plans to spend the evening of Halloween roaming his upscale Los Angeles neighborhood dressed as an actual scientist.

“I’ve always wanted to be a real scientist, and I have the perfect costume,” said Nye, best known for playing the title role on the 1990’s Saturday morning children’s program Bill Nye The Science Guy. “I already have a lab coat and bow tie that make me look super science-y.”

Nye told reporters he plans to enhance his costume by carrying copies of scientific journal articles, with his name substituted as the real author. “Aren’t these so lifelike?” he enthusiastically exclaimed. “They make me look like I’ve actually published serious peer-reviewed scientific research articles.”

The television personality also confirmed that he will bring along some honorary doctorate degrees bestowed upon him by several universities. “These fake degrees look so authentic, they would make anyone seem like a legitimate scientific scholar committed to open-minded inquiry.”

“I’ll have to be careful what I say that night,” he added. “My costume is so convincing, people might believe that my personal opinions about a multitude of topics are actual scientific facts.”

When asked if he plans to spend any time on Halloween launching misinformed, condescending attacks on people who disagree with him politically or philosophically, he replied, “No, that’s not something a real scientist would do.”


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October 26, 2017

WARNING: CRUDE LANGUAGE


I can’t brain today, I have the dumb — rainy day edition

October 25, 2017


Blessed are the geeks

October 17, 2017


I can’t brain today, I have the dumb — sign language edition

October 12, 2017


Battle of the bulge

October 4, 2017


Sunday funnies

September 24, 2017

From The Babylon Bee.

Angry Arminian Mob Pulls Down Statue of John Calvin

PITTSBURGH, PA—A rowdy gang of angry, riled-up Arminian believers gathered to pull down a statue of Reformer John Calvin standing in front of Calvin Reformed Bible College & Seminary, authorities confirmed Friday.

The band of Wesleyan troublemakers brought a rope, lassoed it around the neck of the stone likeness of Calvin, and yanked it down while yelling rallying cries like “Down with limited atonement!” “You’ll never take our free will!” and “For Servetus!”

Mob members then stomped on the statue and spray-painted crude Arminian slogans on the downed Reformer, according to police reports.

“We encourage all citizens to stay indoors as this dangerous gang of theological hooligans roams the streets,” police chief Ed Patterson said at a press conference. “When you get the Arminians going, there’s no extent to the depravity they can display.”

“Stay safe out there, and may God bless you all,” the police officer concluded before ducking to avoid an on-fire copy of Why I Am Not A Calvinist hurled by a rogue protester in the crowd.


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