Weed on wheels: Pot delivery services are on a roll

July 19, 2014

This story comes from the Los Angeles Times, which as far as I know is not a satire site:

Brian Reichle couldn’t have gotten a pepperoni pizza much faster.

Needing to replenish his stash of pot one recent afternoon, the Burbank resident dialed Speed Weed. Within the hour, a driver arrived with a white paper bag carrying a gram of cannabis, 10 joints and a handful of pot-infused candies and cookies.

“They come to my house, and they’re in and out,” said Reichle, 39, a comedian who spends about $100 a week on medical marijuana. “I shouldn’t have to go to a store.”

Once a small, word-of-mouth phenomenon, mobile marijuana businesses now number in the hundreds across Southern California. Nationwide, pot delivery services have nearly tripled in three years, from 877 to 2,617, according to Weedmaps, a Yelp-like online directory for pot businesses.

“I still believe 75% of marijuana patients don’t know delivery is a thing,” said Speed Weed owner A.J. Gentile, 42, a Bronx native who also works as a voice-over actor. “It’s safer to engage this way. You don’t have to go to a sketchy dispensary. That’s why we get so many female customers.”

The proliferation of delivery services is fueled in part by city efforts to reduce the number of dispensaries. About 200 have closed in Los Angeles since voters approved Proposition D last year, a spokesman for the city attorney’s office said.

Under the measure, dispensaries and their landlords can be prosecuted if the shops aren’t properly registered or if they fail to operate a legal distance from public parks, schools, child-care centers and other facilities. As a result, the owners of closed stores sitting on piles of unsold inventory figure they have little choice but to start a delivery service.

[story continues here]


Berkeley to require marijuana dispensaries to provide free weed to low-income residents

July 5, 2014

I wish this were satire, but it’s not. From CBS-San Francisco:

The city of Berkeley will require medical marijuana dispensaries to give away two percent of the amount of cannabis they sell each year free to low-income patients.

The City Council voted unanimously at Tuesday’s meeting to amend the city’s medical pot rules, which would also allow for a fourth dispensary in Berkeley.

“Basically, the city council wants to make sure that low-income, homeless, indigent folks have access to their medical marijuana, their medicine,” said Berkeley City Council member Darryl Moore.

Under the proposal, at least two percent of all medical weed dispensed at a club would have to be provided at no cost to very low-income members — and it must be the same quality that’s dispensed to regular paying customers.

“We think this is the responsible thing to do for those less fortunate in our community,” said Moore.


Space invaders

March 12, 2013

Did you know that in California there are parking lots with special spaces reserved exclusively for hybrids? As you can see, some Californians (like the one who painted the lines on this lot) don’t even know how to spell “hybrid,” but that doesn’t stop them from offering special parking spaces to folks who drive hybrids — including the idiot who parked this Prius so that it straddles two spaces.

“Higher” education?

July 12, 2012

Only if you’re talking about costs, as opposed to quality and content.

Sound advice for would-be entrepreneurs

June 14, 2012

You might be a Californian if…

February 10, 2012

…you make $150,000 a year and still can’t afford a house.

…you get on a bus and are surprised to hear two people carrying on a conversation in English.

…your child’s first-grade teacher has purple hair and a nose ring.

…you can’t remember — is pot legal?

…you’re invited to a baby shower for two mothers, their surrogate, and their sperm donor.

…you have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

…you know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

…you can’t remember — is pot legal?

…a really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

…gas costs a dollar more per gallon than anywhere else in the U.S.

…your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

…your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S&M, and your Avon lady is a guy in drag.

…you can’t remember — is pot really legal?

…you leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 pm Tae Bo class.

…you pass an elementary school playground and the children are all on their cell phones.

…it’s barely sprinkling outside, but you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

…hey, is pot legal, or what???

…both you and your dog have therapists.

California driver’s license application

February 3, 2012


Stage name:_______________________________________

Agent: ___________________________________________

Attorney: _________________________________________

Therapist: _________________________________________

Number of therapy sessions per week:___________

Name of drug connection in case of medical emergency:


Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female [ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [ ] Both
[ ] Other________

If female, indicate breast implant size: ________

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle? [ ] Yes [ ] No

Hair color:

Males: [ ] Blonde [ ] Red [ ] Black [ ] Brown [ ]Other _________

Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde [ ] Ash Blonde [ ] Strawberry Blonde

Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Fuchsia [ ]Teal [ ]Combination [ ]Skinhead [ ] Other________

Activities you perform while driving (check all that apply):

[ ] Eating

[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee

[ ] Applying makeup

[ ] Shaving

[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)

[ ] Lifting weights

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

[ ] Tanning

[ ] Snorting cocaine

[ ] Watching TV

[ ] Reading Variety

[ ] Surfing the net

Medications you are taking:

[ ] Prozac

[ ] Zovirax

[ ] Lithium

[ ] Zanax

[ ] Valium

[ ] Medical marijuana

[ ] Zoloft

[ ] Viagra

[ ] Estrogen

[ ] All of the above

[ ] None of the above

If none, please explain: ___________________________________

Length of daily commute:

[ ] 4 hours or longer

[ ] 3 hours

[ ] 2 hours

[ ] 1 hour

[ ] less than 1 hour

If less than 1 hour, please explain:


If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should:

[ ] Call the police to report the crime.

[ ] Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.

[ ] Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for your 911 call not going through.

[ ] Let them shoot you since law-abiding citizens are not permitted to carry a gun.

In the event of an earthquake, you should:

[ ] Stop your car.

[ ] Keep driving and hope for the best.

[ ] Use your cell phone to call your loved ones.

[ ] Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

In the event of rain, you should:

[ ] Never drive over 5 MPH.

[ ] Drive twice as fast as usual.

[ ] Drive as close to the curb as possible to help spread the water onto sidewalks and pedestrians.

[ ] Stop traffic to raise convertible top.

When you see a driver with her arm extended out the window, it means:

[ ] Her turn signals are broken.

[ ] She intends to change lanes.

[ ] She’s drying her nails.

Automatic door locks are good for:

[ ] Security

[ ] Convenience

[ ] Messing with the heads of people trying to get in

The “bright” setting on your headlights is for:

[ ] Poorly lit roads at night

[ ] Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way

[ ] Revenge

When stopped by police, you should:

[ ] Pull over and have your driver’s license and insurance form ready.

[ ] Try to outrun them.

[ ] Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself a hefty legal settlement.

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