A man went to a psychiatrist and said he was worried that he was a dog.
“It’s terrible,” said the man. “I walk around on all fours, I bark all the time, I howl at the moon, I want to chase every cat I see, and I can’t go past a fire hydrant any more.”
“I think I can help you,” said the psychiatrist. “Lie down on the couch.”
The man replied, “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
Fred arrived at the movie theater a few minutes late, after the movie had already started. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he noticed a dog sitting next to its owner in the row ahead of him. The dog seemed to be watching the movie with great interest, wagging its tail during the happy parts, drooping its ears during the sad parts, and covering its eyes with its paws during the scary parts.
After the movie, Fred approached the dog’s owner and said, “Your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I’m amazed.”
“So am I,” replied the dog’s owner. “He hated the book.”
Three race horses in adjoining stalls were arguing over which of them was the best.
“Of my last sixteen races, I’ve won eleven,” said the first horse.
“Not bad,” said the second horse. “But of my last twenty races, I’ve won fifteen.”
“Impressive,” said the third horse. “But of my last twenty-eight races, I’ve won twenty-five.”
A greyhound who was lurking nearby overheard the horses arguing and decided to join the conversation.
“I don’t mean to brag,” said the greyhound, “but of my last forty-six races, I’ve won forty-four.”
The horses were clearly astonished. After a long silence, one of the horses said in an awestruck voice, “Wow! A talking dog!”