Bibliophile humor

October 8, 2018


English major jocularity

April 9, 2018


More bar jokes for English majors

March 6, 2018

When I published Bar jokes for English majors, I had a sneaking suspicion that my faithful readers — and perhaps even a few faithless ones — would chime in with additions of their own, and they did not disappoint. They inspired me to write a few more as well. So here we go with round two:

❧An adverb walks into a bar purposefully, demands a bottle of whiskey urgently, consumes it single-handedly, and passes out immediately.

❧A homonym woks into a barre.

❧A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. The bartender gives it to her.

❧A flirtatious semicolon walks into a bar and winks at a colon who’s making eyes at her.

❧His, hers, theirs, mine, yours, and ours walk into a bar and quickly take possession.

❧Alliteration arrives at an authentic Alabama alehouse and asks for applejack.

❧A contraction walks into a bar even though it isn’t thirsty, doesn’t feel like drinking, and can’t explain why someone who’s not in the mood to drink wouldn’t avoid bars.

❧A spoonerism balks into a war and has a muddy blary.

❧An anagram walks into a bar owned by an anemic iceman from the cinema.

❧Redundancy walks into a bar that serves alcoholic beverages and asks for scotch on the rocks over ice cubes.

❧After work, before going home, a preposition walks into a bar beside the parking lot behind the office, and drinks with reckless abandon throughout the evening, ending up under the table.

❧An incomplete sentence into a bar

❧A thesaurus walks/ambles/saunters/wanders/strides/traipses into a bar.

❧Onomatopoeia whizzes into a bar, barks out an order, guzzles a drink, then zips out with a whoosh.

❧A misplaced apostrophe walk’s into a bar and drink’s a few beer’s.

❧Subject and verb walk into a bar, but the bartender kicks them out because they don’t agree.

❧An interjection walks into a bar—ouch!

❧A heteronym walks into a bar, even though it’s close to time for the place to close. 

❧Bob, Eve, Hannah, Otto, Ada, Nan, Mom, and Dad walk into The Palindrome Saloon. 

❧Alphabet. Barroom. Cocktails. Drinking. Euphoric. Fried. Giddy. Hammered. Inebriated. Juiced. Kippered. Loaded. Muddled. Narcotized. Obliviated. Pickled. Quaffy. Ravaged. Schnockered. Tanked. Unsteady. Vulcanized. Wasted. 

❧William Shakespeare walks into a pub
   In search of refreshment and levity;
He asks the bar maid for some spiked lemonade,
   Having heard it increases longevity;
Then he says to the lass, “Use a very short glass,
   For the soul of wit is brevity.”


English major jocularity

March 2, 2018


Bar jokes for English majors

February 20, 2018

❧ A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

❧ A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

❧ An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

❧ Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

❧ A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

❧ Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

❧ A question mark walks into a bar?

❧ A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

❧ Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a war. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

❧ A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

❧ A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

❧ Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart. 

❧ A synonym strolls into a tavern.

❧ At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

❧ A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

❧ Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

❧ A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

❧ An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles’ heel.

❧ The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

❧ A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

❧ The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

❧ A dyslexic walks into a bra.

❧ A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines. 

❧ An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

❧ A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

❧ A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

❧ A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony. 


English major jocularity

January 31, 2018


Happy [cheery, merry, joyful, jocular, gleeful] birthday, Peter

January 18, 2018

A little bibliophile humor today in honor of the birthday of Peter Mark Roget (1779-1869), author of Roget’s Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases Classified and Arranged so as to Facilitate the Expression of Ideas and Assist in Literary Composition.


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