Hine ma tov uma naʿim shevet achim gam yachad.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. (Psalm 133:1)
Hine ma tov uma naʿim shevet achim gam yachad.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. (Psalm 133:1)
Hine ma tov uma naʿim shevet achim gam yachad.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity. (Psalm 133:1)
When you’re on the road to nowhere
And there’s no one by your side
When you feel like you are utterly alone
When you see the path before you
And your confidence is tried
And you need a place to rest your tired bones
When the nighttime snow is falling
Open up and come inside
Feel the warmth and feel the love it’s everywhere
Where we all can be together
Singing songs of joy and pride
With the message of the history we all share
Lift yourself up higher
Come on light your soul on fire
I said lift yourself up higher
And you’ll find your way back home
When you fight an uphill battle
And the end’s nowhere in sight
You may think that there’s no more of you to give
Know that very deep inside you
There’s a seed that wants to sow
So we plant our roots and finally start to live
Lift yourself up higher
Come on light your soul on fire
I said lift yourself up higher
And you’ll find your way back home
Like the stars that light the sky
And the sand that salts the sea
Feel your strength get multiplied
Let the history in you set us free
Lift yourself up higher
Come on light your soul on fire
I said lift yourself up higher
And you’ll find your way back home
December 3
To: All Employees
I’m happy to announce that the company Christmas party will take place on December 19 at Billy Bob’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and the River City Ramblers Bluegrass Band will be playing traditional Christmas carols. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 4
To: All Employees
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas. So from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa. There will be no Christmas tree and no Santa Claus, and no Christmas carols will be sung. Happy holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 5
To: All Employees
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I’m happy to accommodate this request; but don’t forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, “AA Only,” you won’t be anonymous anymore.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 8
To: All Employees
I’ve arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gay men may sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men’s table. Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
December 10
To: All Employees
Vegetarians! I’ve had it with you people!! We’re going to hold this party at Billy Bob’s Open Pit whether you like it or not! You can just sit at the table farthest from the “Grill of Death,” as you put it, and you’ll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them right now! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, y’all hear me?
Patty Lewis
The Bitch from Hell
December 12
To: All Employees
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her nervous breakdown. I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the psych ward at St. Luke’s Hospital. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our holiday party and give everyone the afternoon of the 19th off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Terri Jones
Acting Human Resources Director