An oldie but goodie.
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Henry and Alice had been married for 65 years. Although well into their eighties, they were both in excellent health, due primarily to Alice’s insistence on a healthful diet and regular exercise.
But one day while they were walking home from Whole Foods, they were hit by a truck, and the next thing they knew, they were standing at the pearly gates.
St. Peter welcomed them and escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion and said, “This will be your new home.”
Stunned by the beauty of the place, Henry asked St. Peter how much it was going to cost.
“Nothing at all,” St. Peter replied. “This is heaven.”
Henry looked out the window, and saw that right outside the mansion was a championship golf course, more beautiful than any that existed on earth.
“What are the greens fees?” he asked.
“There aren’t any,” said St. Peter. “This is heaven. You can play anytime you want, and it won’t cost a cent.”
Then St. Peter took Henry and Alice to the dining room, where they saw a lavish buffet set out with all kinds of delectable foods – juicy steaks, exotic seafood, gourmet cheeses, fine wines, freshly-baked breads, and rich desserts.
“Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter. “It’s all free for you to enjoy.”
“But where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?” asked Henry.
“There aren’t any,” said St. Peter. “You can eat and drink whatever you like, whenever you like, as much as you like. You’ll never get sick and you’ll never get fat.”
“No gym to work out at?”
“Not unless you want to.”
“No testing my blood pressure?”
“Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.”
Henry glared at Alice and said, “You and your bran muffins! We could have been here ten years ago!”
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bluebird of bitterness 