Horsing around

October 10, 2016

Three race horses in adjoining stalls were arguing over which of them was the best.

“Of my last sixteen races, I’ve won nine,” said the first horse.

“Not bad,” said the second horse. “But of my last twenty-two races, I’ve won fourteen.”

“Impressive,” said the third horse. “But of my last twenty-nine races, I’ve won twenty-three.”

A greyhound who was lurking nearby overheard the horses arguing and decided to join the conversation.

“I don’t mean to brag,” the greyhound said, “but of my last forty-six races, I’ve won forty-three.”

The horses were clearly astonished. After a long silence, one of the horses said in an awestruck voice, “Wow! A talking dog!”

7 Comments | animal crackers | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness

Find the hidden animals!

August 26, 2016

A hidden (or not-so-hidden) critter — or perhaps more than one — lurks within each of these critters. See how many you can find.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

UPDATE: Solutions appear below, in the comment section.

19 Comments | animal crackers, simple pleasures | Tagged: , , , , , | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness

Back in the saddle again

January 26, 2015

A cowboy rode into a small town in Oklahoma and stopped at a saloon for a beer. Unfortunately for him, the locals had a habit of playing pranks on strangers. When he finished his beer and went outside, he found that his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the saloon, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head, and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?” he yelled.

No one answered.

“All right, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I done in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I done in Texas!”

The cowboy had another beer, then he went outside, where his horse had been returned to the post. He saddled up and got ready to ride out of town.

The bartender came outside and said, “Say, pardner, before you go — what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy said, “I had to walk home.”

5 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness

Jingle all the way

December 6, 2012

A miniature horse named Tinker from West Bend, Wisconsin is one of the Salvation Army’s most successful bell ringers, bringing in donations at a rate far exceeding that of his human colleagues.

Comments Off on Jingle all the way | animal crackers, on wisconsin! | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness

A horse of a different color

November 28, 2011

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.”

Not everyone subscribes to the Dakota’s view. In government and education, for example, more complex strategies are often employed — such as:

1. Using a bigger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a blue-ribbon committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging a foreign junket to observe how other cultures ride horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as “living impaired.”

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and training to improve the dead horse’s performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line than a live horse.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

14. Instituting affirmative action quotas for dead horses.

5 Comments | political snark | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness

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