Monday chuckles

February 17, 2020


Monday chuckles

October 7, 2019


Monday chuckles

June 3, 2019


Wednesday weirdness

February 27, 2019


New Year’s Day classic: Great moments in marriage

January 1, 2019

Herb had too much to drink at the office New Year’s party, and when he woke up the next morning his head felt ready to explode. He could recall almost nothing of the previous night, and he dreaded the thought of facing his wife, who he suspected would have a few choice words for him.

But when he opened his eyes, he saw that there were two extra-strength aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table, along with a note in his wife’s handwriting. It read: 

Dearest Herb, 

Your breakfast is on the stove. Brooke said she would do the dishes and clean up the kitchen, so you can just relax and take it easy. I’ve gone out to buy groceries so I can make your favorite supper tonight. 

Your loving wife, 

Alice

p.s. I’m going to stop at the smoke shop on the way home and pick up a box of your favorite cigars. I love you, darling!

Puzzled, Herb set the note down. He took the aspirin, then he went to the kitchen, where he found a hot breakfast, hot coffee, and the morning newspaper waiting for him. His daughter Brooke was busy loading the dishwasher. 

“Morning, Dad,” she greeted him cheerfully.

“Morning, honey,” said Herb. “By any chance, were you awake when I got home last night?”

“I sure was,” she giggled. “You were totally hammered. You threw up in the bushes by the front door, and when you came inside, you fell over the coffee table and broke it. Mom and I had to practically carry you to bed.”

Herb was flummoxed. “So why is your mother out buying cigars for me and planning to make my favorite supper tonight?”

“Good question,” said Brooke. “I guess it’s because after we got you into the bedroom, Mom started taking your clothes off, and you hollered, ‘Leave me alone — I’m married!’”

Broken coffee table: $250.00

Two extra-strength aspirin: $.34

Saying the right thing at the right time: priceless

 

aspirin


Product fan mail

October 1, 2018

Dear Tide:

I’m writing to tell you what an excellent product you have! I’ve been using it ever since I got married many years ago, but it’s only recently that I’ve come to appreciate just what a superior product it is.

A few weeks ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. Right away, my husband started to berate me about how clumsy I am. One thing led to another, and to make a long story short, I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I wondered if anything would take the stains out, but after I washed my blouse in Tide, to my amazement it was cleaner than I ever would have imagined possible. In fact, the blood came out so well that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative, and just this morning, I learned that I am no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief!

Once again, thank you for making such a fantastic product. Now I have to go write a letter to the Hefty Bag people.

Sincerely yours,

A satisfied customer


Sunday funnies

September 16, 2018


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