Advertisements from long, long ago — Marriage Savers™ edition

May 28, 2021


Let the memory live again

February 25, 2021

Stan and Lois, both in their eighties, were becoming more and more forgetful. On the advice of their doctor, they began carrying small notebooks and pencils with them so they could write down things they wanted to remember.

One evening while they were watching television, Stan got up from his chair.

Lois said, “Where are you going?”

Stan said, “To the kitchen for a glass of water.”

Lois said, “While you’re there, will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”

Stan said, “Sure.”

Lois said, “You’d better write it down so you won’t forget.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down. You want a bowl of ice cream. I can remember that.”

Lois said, “Can you put some strawberries on top?”

Stan said, “Sure, I can do that.”

Lois said, “You’d better write it down so you won’t forget.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down! Ice cream and strawberries. I can remember that.”

Lois said, “I want some whipped cream on it too. You’d better write it down. You’ll forget if you don’t write it down.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream! How hard is that to remember?”

Stan shuffled off to the kitchen, grumbling all the way. He was gone for about twenty minutes, and when he returned, he handed Lois a plate of bacon and eggs.

Lois looked at the plate, then looked at Stan and said, “Where’s my toast?”

 

 


A rose by any other name

February 16, 2021

Walt showed up late for the card party at the senior center. He blamed it on his poor memory, which seemed to be growing worse with age.

“You know, I used to have that problem too,” said his friend Stan. “But then I went to a memory clinic, and they taught us some really great techniques, like visualization and association, and I haven’t had a problem since.”

“That sounds like just what I need,” said Walt. “What was the name of the clinic?”

Stan’s mind went blank. He thought and thought, and finally he said, “What do you call that flower with the long thorny stem?”

“You mean a rose?” said Walt.

“That’s it!” said Stan. Then he turned to his wife and said, “Hey Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?”


Monday chuckles

August 24, 2020


Senior moments

June 22, 2020


Monday chuckles

February 17, 2020


Monday chuckles

October 7, 2019


Monday chuckles

June 3, 2019


Wednesday weirdness

February 27, 2019


Great moments in marriage

January 1, 2019

Herb had too much to drink at the office New Year’s party, and when he woke up the next morning his head felt ready to explode. He could recall almost nothing of the previous night, and he dreaded the thought of facing his wife, who he suspected would have a few choice words for him.

But when he opened his eyes, he saw that there were two extra-strength aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table, along with a note in his wife’s handwriting. It read: 

Dearest Herb, 

Your breakfast is on the stove. Brooke said she would do the dishes and clean up the kitchen, so you can just relax and take it easy. I’ve gone out to buy groceries so I can make your favorite supper tonight. 

Your loving wife, 

Alice

p.s. I’m going to stop at the smoke shop on the way home and pick up a box of your favorite cigars. I love you, darling!

Puzzled, Herb set the note down. He took the aspirin, then he went to the kitchen, where he found a hot breakfast, hot coffee, and the morning newspaper waiting for him. His daughter Brooke was busy loading the dishwasher. 

“Morning, Dad,” she greeted him cheerfully.

“Morning, honey,” said Herb. “By any chance, were you awake when I got home last night?”

“I sure was,” she giggled. “You were totally hammered. You threw up in the bushes by the front door, and when you came inside, you fell over the coffee table and broke it. Mom and I had to practically carry you to bed.”

Herb was flummoxed. “So why is your mother out buying cigars for me and planning to make my favorite supper tonight?”

“Good question,” said Brooke. “I guess it’s because after we got you into the bedroom, Mom started taking your clothes off, and you hollered, ‘Leave me alone — I’m married!’”

Broken coffee table: $250.00

Two extra-strength aspirin: $.34

Saying the right thing at the right time: priceless

 

aspirin


%d bloggers like this: