New Year’s Day classic: Great moments in marriage

January 1, 2019

Herb had too much to drink at the office New Year’s party, and when he woke up the next morning his head felt ready to explode. He could recall almost nothing of the previous night, and he dreaded the thought of facing his wife, who he suspected would have a few choice words for him.

But when he opened his eyes, he saw that there were two extra-strength aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table, along with a note in his wife’s handwriting. It read: 

Dearest Herb, 

Your breakfast is on the stove. Brooke said she would do the dishes and clean up the kitchen, so you can just relax and take it easy. I’ve gone out to buy groceries so I can make your favorite supper tonight. 

Your loving wife, 

Alice

p.s. I’m going to stop at the smoke shop on the way home and pick up a box of your favorite cigars. I love you, darling!

Puzzled, Herb set the note down. He took the aspirin, then he went to the kitchen, where he found a hot breakfast, hot coffee, and the morning newspaper waiting for him. His daughter Brooke was busy loading the dishwasher. 

“Morning, Dad,” she greeted him cheerfully.

“Morning, honey,” said Herb. “By any chance, were you awake when I got home last night?”

“I sure was,” she giggled. “You were totally hammered. You threw up in the bushes by the front door, and when you came inside, you fell over the coffee table and broke it. Mom and I had to practically carry you to bed.”

Herb was flummoxed. “So why is your mother out buying cigars for me and planning to make my favorite supper tonight?”

“Good question,” said Brooke. “I guess it’s because after we got you into the bedroom, Mom started taking your clothes off, and you hollered, ‘Leave me alone — I’m married!’”

Broken coffee table: $250.00

Two extra-strength aspirin: $.34

Saying the right thing at the right time: priceless

 

aspirin


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Good advice

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If your New Year’s resolution is to get in shape this year, here’s some advice from the experts: You’re more likely to succeed in your new exercise regimen if you get the whole family involved.


Happy New Year

January 1, 2017


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