JERUSALEM—Historians have discovered new evidence that when God provided miraculous bread to feed the Israelites in the wilderness after their exodus from Egypt, Israelite children refused to eat the manna until their moms had carefully removed the crust.
“After poring over a trove of newly found scrolls, it seems the ancient Israelite children were every bit as whiny as their parents,” said Old Testament scholar Nikolai Popov. “These new documents show children frequently complained about leaving slavery in Egypt, saying ‘at least in Egypt we had ham and cheese Lunchables!’ They also demanded their moms cut the manna into fun shapes like ‘Mount Horeb’ or ‘Pillar of Fire’.”
The children also were reportedly unimpressed with miraculous quail, instead begging every night for hot dogs and macaroni. Parents did eventually take their concerns to Moses, who looked up to the sky and said, “Just kill me now, O Lord.” So, the hot dog matter was dropped.
As the Israelites approached the land of Canaan, parents began to entice their kids to eat dinner with the promise of a new land filled with dessert. However, the children were unmoved by mere honey, vowing to hold out for a land of “chocolate frosted sugar bombs.”
From The Babylon Bee.
CHARLOTTE, NC—Local mom Denise James was seen Monday morning dropping her kids off at Hathaway Middle School, which raised a few eyebrows in her community since school doesn’t start for another three weeks.
James’s three children, ages 11, 9, and 7, reportedly spent the day sitting on the front steps of the school, backpacks on, sack lunches in hand. When asked why they were at school early, the oldest, Aiden, said: “We told my mom we were bored… again.”
“They have five iPads upstairs, two dirt bikes in the garage and a water slide, and they want to say they’re BORED? I don’t think so,” James said. “I told them if they said the word ‘bored’ one more time, they were going to school. I wasn’t joking.”
The tension in James’s home began to build at the beginning of July, when the mom of three realized they had gotten to the end of their “summer activities” list a month too soon. VBS, baseball games and science camp ended at the end of June, and with them, James’s sanity.
“I tried to hold on. Other parents told me it would get better,” James explained. “But it didn’t. I couldn’t take it anymore.”
Critics have suggested James’s parenting tactics are too extreme. Others have said she didn’t go far enough. For her part, James shows no signs of changing her mind.
“I have no regrets.”
Yes, it’s a real thing.
If you are a parent, this little gem from Coronet Instructional Films will warm the cockles of your heart. It tells the story of Tommy, a lazy little spoiled brat who finally learns to appreciate his selfless, hard-working parents for all the sacrifices they make on his behalf every day of their lives.
(If you prefer to watch the MST3K version, click here.)