Friday chuckles
May 19, 2023
32 Comments | 
circus of life | Tagged: Mars&Venus, parenthood, school daze | 
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Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Children on verge of starvation after dad fails to cut sandwich into little dinosaur shapes
February 28, 2023From The Babylon Bee.
LARNED, KS — Two innocent local children have been left on the brink of starvation after their father failed to cut their sandwiches into little dinosaur shapes the way their mother does.
“How does he expect us to eat them this way?” asked 4-year-old Caden Ralston. “There’s no way I’m even touching that sandwich unless it’s in the shape of a triceratops. If my food isn’t shaped like dinosaurs, it’s not getting anywhere near my mouth. This is an outrage.”
The children’s father, Eric, made this rookie mistake after his wife left him at home with the kids for a few hours. In addition to his failure to cut the sandwiches into dinosaur shapes, Eric also completely blundered by slicing the grapes in half longways instead of shortways, instantly making them, according to the children, entirely unfit for consumption.
“How am I supposed to know all of this?” Eric said in exasperation. “Why does their food have to be a specific shape for them to eat it? How does that make sense? It tastes the same! C’mon, man, just eat it!”
At publishing time, further outrage had erupted when Eric reportedly gave Caden six veggie straws while he gave his brothers, Camden and Cannon, only five each.
27 Comments | Babylon Bee | Tagged: parenthood | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Friday chuckles
February 3, 2023
22 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: marriage, Mars&Venus, parenthood, school daze | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Friday chuckles
November 25, 2022
37 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: marriage, Mars&Venus, parenthood, school daze | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Friday chuckles
July 15, 2022
22 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: marriage, Mars&Venus, parenthood, school daze | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Historians discover Israelite children refused to eat manna unless mom cut the crust off
February 20, 2022From The Babylon Bee.
JERUSALEM—Historians have discovered new evidence that when God provided miraculous bread to feed the Israelites in the wilderness after their exodus from Egypt, Israelite children refused to eat the manna until their moms had carefully removed the crust.
“After poring over a trove of newly found scrolls, it seems the ancient Israelite children were every bit as whiny as their parents,” said Old Testament scholar Nikolai Popov. “These new documents show children frequently complained about leaving slavery in Egypt, saying ‘at least in Egypt we had ham and cheese Lunchables!’ They also demanded their moms cut the manna into fun shapes like ‘Mount Horeb’ or ‘Pillar of Fire’.”
The children also were reportedly unimpressed with miraculous quail, instead begging every night for hot dogs and macaroni. Parents did eventually take their concerns to Moses, who looked up to the sky and said, “Just kill me now, O Lord.” So, the hot dog matter was dropped.
As the Israelites approached the land of Canaan, parents began to entice their kids to eat dinner with the promise of a new land filled with dessert. However, the children were unmoved by mere honey, vowing to hold out for a land of “chocolate frosted sugar bombs.”
10 Comments | Babylon Bee | Tagged: parenthood, Sunday funnies | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Local mom drops bored kids off at school three weeks early
August 2, 2021From The Babylon Bee.
CHARLOTTE, NC—Local mom Denise James was seen Monday morning dropping her kids off at Hathaway Middle School, which raised a few eyebrows in her community since school doesn’t start for another three weeks.
James’s three children, ages 11, 9, and 7, reportedly spent the day sitting on the front steps of the school, backpacks on, sack lunches in hand. When asked why they were at school early, the oldest, Aiden, said: “We told my mom we were bored… again.”
“They have five iPads upstairs, two dirt bikes in the garage and a water slide, and they want to say they’re BORED? I don’t think so,” James said. “I told them if they said the word ‘bored’ one more time, they were going to school. I wasn’t joking.”
The tension in James’s home began to build at the beginning of July, when the mom of three realized they had gotten to the end of their “summer activities” list a month too soon. VBS, baseball games and science camp ended at the end of June, and with them, James’s sanity.
“I tried to hold on. Other parents told me it would get better,” James explained. “But it didn’t. I couldn’t take it anymore.”
Critics have suggested James’s parenting tactics are too extreme. Others have said she didn’t go far enough. For her part, James shows no signs of changing her mind.
“I have no regrets.”
16 Comments | Babylon Bee | Tagged: parenthood, school daze | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Happy National Parents Day
July 25, 2021Yes, it’s a real thing.
If you are a parent, this little gem from Coronet Instructional Films will warm the cockles of your heart. It tells the story of Tommy, a lazy little spoiled brat who finally learns to appreciate his selfless, hard-working parents for all the sacrifices they make on his behalf every day of their lives.
(If you prefer to watch the MST3K version, click here.)
8 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: Coronet Instructional Films, memory lane, National Parents Day, parenthood | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Happy National Parents Day
July 26, 2020
6 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: National Parents Day, parenthood | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Monday chuckles
January 13, 2020
18 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: parenthood | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
bluebird of bitterness 