August 10, 2017
In the traffic court of a large city, a woman was brought before a rather tired-looking judge to answer for a ticket she’d received for running a red light. She informed the judge that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate dismissal of her case so she could get to school on time.
The judge brightened up immediately. “I’ve waited for years to have a schoolteacher in this court,” he said. “Now sit down at that table, and write ‘I drove through a red light’ five hundred times.”
February 7, 2017
When seven-year-old Alice got home from school, her mother asked her what she’d learned that day.
“We learned how to make babies,” said Alice.
Alice’s mother was shocked. She sent her daughter outside to play, then she called Alice’s teacher to complain that the things she was teaching were not appropriate for second graders.
“Did you ask her to explain how it’s done?” said the teacher.
“No,” said the mother.
“Ask her, then call me back,” said the teacher.
Alice’s mother went outside to where her daughter was playing and asked her, “So how do you make babies?”
Alice replied, “You drop the ‘y’ and add ‘ies’.”
Some assembly required
January 24, 2017
At seven o’clock in the morning, Billy’s mother called to him, “Billy, get up — it’s time to get ready for school.”
There was no answer. Billy’s mother called again, ”Billy, get up! It’s time to get ready for school!”
Still there was no answer. Billy’s mother went to his room and shook him.
“Billy! Get up and get ready for school!”
“I’m not going to school, Mom,” said Billy. “All the kids hate me.”
“Doesn’t make any difference,” said his mother. “Get up and get ready for school!”
“But Mom, all the teachers hate me too.”
“I don’t care! Get up and get ready for school!”
“But Mom, why should I go to school when everyone there hates me?’
“Why? I’ll tell you why! Because you’re the principal!”
January 16, 2017
Mrs. Jordan’s first grade students were in the school library, browsing through picture books, when little Emily suddenly said, “Hey, look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”
Mrs. Jordan was shocked. “What did you say?” she asked.
“I said it’s a frickin’ elephant,” Emily replied. “It says so right here on the picture.”
Mrs. Jordan took the book and looked at it, and sure enough, the child was right: