In the traffic court of a large city, a woman was brought before a rather tired-looking judge to answer for a ticket she’d received for running a red light. She informed the judge that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate dismissal of her case so she could get to school on time.
The judge brightened up immediately. “I’ve waited for years to have a schoolteacher in this court,” he said. “Now sit down at that table, and write ‘I drove through a red light’ five hundred times.”
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circus of life | Tagged: chuckles, karmageddon, school daze | 
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Posted by bluebird of bitterness
27 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: math, school daze | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
When seven-year-old Alice got home from school, her mother asked her what she’d learned that day.
“We learned how to make babies,” said Alice.
Alice’s mother was shocked. She sent her daughter outside to play, then she called Alice’s teacher to complain that the things she was teaching were not appropriate for second graders.
“Did you ask her to explain how it’s done?” said the teacher.
“No,” said the mother.
“Ask her, then call me back,” said the teacher.
Alice’s mother went outside to where her daughter was playing and asked her, “So how do you make babies?”
Alice replied, “You drop the ‘y’ and add ‘ies’.”
Some assembly required
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Posted by bluebird of bitterness
At seven o’clock in the morning, Billy’s mother called to him, “Billy, get up — it’s time to get ready for school.”
There was no answer. Billy’s mother called again, ”Billy, get up! It’s time to get ready for school!”
Still there was no answer. Billy’s mother went to his room and shook him.
“Billy! Get up and get ready for school!”
“I’m not going to school, Mom,” said Billy. “All the kids hate me.”
“Doesn’t make any difference,” said his mother. “Get up and get ready for school!”
“But Mom, all the teachers hate me too.”
“I don’t care! Get up and get ready for school!”
“But Mom, why should I go to school when everyone there hates me?’
“Why? I’ll tell you why! Because you’re the principal!”
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Posted by bluebird of bitterness
Mrs. Jordan’s first grade students were in the school library, browsing through picture books, when little Emily suddenly said, “Hey, look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”
Mrs. Jordan was shocked. “What did you say?” she asked.
“I said it’s a frickin’ elephant,” Emily replied. “It says so right here on the picture.”
Mrs. Jordan took the book and looked at it, and sure enough, the child was right:
AFRICAN ELEPHANT
9 Comments | circus of life | Tagged: chuckles, school daze, wordplay | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
1 Comment | circus of life | Tagged: biting social commentary, Reason TV, school daze | Permalink
Posted by bluebird of bitterness
THE BLUEBIRD OF BITTERNESS
Home sweet home
Bob's sister Hannah
Bob's sister Ada
Bob's sister Eve
Bob's sister Nan
Bob's brother Otto
A baby picture of Bob and his siblings (clockwise from upper left: Otto, Eve, Hannah, Ada, Bob, and Nan)
Bob's childhood home
Bob's mom and dad
Bob in his youth
Bob's Uncle Ralph and Aunt Edna
Bob's cousin Archibald
Bob's stepbrother Herbie (who really needs to quit smoking)
Bob's cousin Chester
Bob's Great Uncle Norbert and Great Aunt Phyllis
Bob's cousin Saffron (who will do anything for a drink)
Bob's sister-in-law Sybil
Bob's cousin Thorndike
Bob's brother-in-law Vinnie
Bob's cousin Orville, who loves the Green Bay Packers
Bob's nieces Lulu and Bitsy, the biker chicks
Bob's stepsister Eloise, with the twins, Rudy and Trudy
Bob's Uncle Henry and Aunt Rowena
Bob's niece Esmerelda (who likes to live dangerously)
Bob's Great Uncle Arthur up in Saskatchewan
Bob's cousin Louie, the grackle of grumpiness
Bob's nephew Virgil, who loves sports
Miss Screech, Bob's journalism teacher
Bob's second cousin Schlomo in Brooklyn
Bob's Uncle Seymour and Aunt Bernice
Bob's nephew Baxter
Nigel, Bob's pen pal in New Zealand
Bob's sister-in-law Delphine, who volunteers at the animal shelter
Percy the Pickpocket, Bob's third cousin once removed (the relative no one likes to talk about... every family has one)
The Bluebird of Happiness (no relation to Bob)
A pair of boobies (also no relation to Bob, but included for readers who desire titillation)
A pair of tits (in case the boobies were insufficiently titillating)
Bluebird Bitter™, the beer they named for Bob
I can’t brain today, I have the dumb — bored of education edition
April 19, 2017Share this:
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