April 7, 2021
Mrs. Jordan’s first grade students were in the school library, browsing through picture books, when little Emily suddenly said, “Hey, look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”
Mrs. Jordan was shocked. “What did you say?” she asked.
“I said it’s a frickin’ elephant,” Emily replied. “It says so right here on the picture.”
Mrs. Jordan took the book and looked at it, and sure enough, the child was right:
March 22, 2021
When seven-year-old Alice got home from school, her mother asked her what she’d learned that day.
“We learned how to make babies,” said Alice.
Alice’s mother was shocked. She sent her daughter outside to play, then she called Alice’s teacher to complain that the things she was teaching were not appropriate for second graders.
“Did you ask her to explain how it’s done?” said the teacher.
“No,” said the mother.
“Ask her, then call me back,” said the teacher.
Alice’s mother went outside to where her daughter was playing and asked her, “So how do you make babies?”
Alice replied, “You drop the ‘y’ and add ‘ies’.”
Some assembly required
January 8, 2021
An oldie but goodie.
Miss Smith asked her second graders to draw a picture showing what they wanted to be when they grew up. Madeleine Martin, seven years old, turned in this drawing:
Miss Smith was shocked. She sent a note home to the girl’s mother asking for clarification.
The following day the teacher received this reply:
Dear Miss Smith,
I wish to assure you that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot, and I told Madeleine how hectic it was last week right before the big blizzard hit. We thought we’d sold every snow shovel we had in stock, but then I found one more in the back room, and several customers were fighting over who would get it. Madeleine’s drawing doesn’t show me dancing around a pole. It shows me selling the last snow shovel Home Depot had. From now on I will check her homework more carefully before she turns it in.