Mrs. Jordan’s first grade students were in the school library, browsing through picture books, when little Emily suddenly said, “Hey, look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”
Mrs. Jordan was shocked. “What did you say?” she asked.
“I said it’s a frickin’ elephant,” Emily replied. “It says so right here on the picture.”
Mrs. Jordan took the book and looked at it, and sure enough, the child was right:
AFRICAN ELEPHANT
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circus of life | Tagged: chuckles, elephants, school daze, words at play | 
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When seven-year-old Alice got home from school, her mother asked her what she’d learned that day.
“We learned how to make babies,” said Alice.
Alice’s mother was shocked. She sent her daughter outside to play, then she called Alice’s teacher to complain that the things she was teaching were not appropriate for second graders.
“Did you ask her to explain how it’s done?” said the teacher.
“No,” said the mother.
“Ask her, then call me back,” said the teacher.
Alice’s mother went outside to where her daughter was playing and asked her, “So how do you make babies?”
Alice replied, “You drop the ‘y’ and add ‘ies’.”
Some assembly required
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An oldie but goodie.
Miss Smith asked her second graders to draw a picture showing what they wanted to be when they grew up. Madeleine Martin, seven years old, turned in this drawing:
Miss Smith was shocked. She sent a note home to the girl’s mother asking for clarification.
The following day the teacher received this reply:
Dear Miss Smith,
I wish to assure you that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot, and I told Madeleine how hectic it was last week right before the big blizzard hit. We thought we’d sold every snow shovel we had in stock, but then I found one more in the back room, and several customers were fighting over who would get it. Madeleine’s drawing doesn’t show me dancing around a pole. It shows me selling the last snow shovel Home Depot had. From now on I will check her homework more carefully before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Martin
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From The Onion.
SAVANNAH, GA—Emphasizing that the cutouts would create the illusion that learning facilities were just as cramped as the year before, representatives from Savannah High School confirmed Friday that cardboard students had been added between distanced desks to maintain a normal feeling of oversized classes.
“Although Covid-19 has brought many challenges to reopening our schools, these cardboard figures will help not just students but also teachers feel just as flustered and overextended as usual,” said school principal Dr. Jeremy Lester, adding that numerous pupil printouts would be placed throughout the school’s classrooms, halls, and bathrooms, which students would then compete with for textbooks, school supplies, and locker space.
“While this year will certainly be an adjustment for everyone, these 1,500 custom-designed stand-ins will make it just as difficult for students to fight for attention from their principal, coaches, and support staff. As such, each classroom’s budget has been severely limited to account for the printing and lamination for each new paper student.”
At press time, the Lester told reporters that the early success of the program had inspired him to replace several teachers with cardboard cutouts.
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Home sweet home
Bob's sister Hannah
Bob's sister Ada
Bob's brother Otto
Bob's sister Eve
Bob's sister Nan
A baby picture of Bob and his siblings (clockwise from upper left: Otto, Eve, Hannah, Ada, Bob, and Nan)
Bob's childhood home
Bob's mom and dad
Bob in his youth
Bob's cousin Alphonse
Bob's Uncle Ralph and Aunt Edna
Bob's cousin Archibald
Bob's stepbrother Herbie (who really needs to quit smoking)
Bob's cousin Chester
Bob's Great Uncle Norbert and Great Aunt Phyllis
Bob's cousin Saffron (who will do anything for a drink)
Bob's cousin Thorndike
Bob's brother-in-law Vinnie
Bob's cousin Orville, who loves the Green Bay Packers
Bob's nieces Lulu and Bitsy, the biker chicks
Bob's stepsister Eloise, with the twins, Rudy and Trudy
Bob's Uncle Henry and Aunt Rowena
Bob's niece Esmerelda (who likes to live dangerously)
Bob's Great Uncle Arthur up in Saskatchewan
Bob's cousin Louie, the grackle of grumpiness
Miss Screech, Bob's journalism teacher
Bob's nephew Winthrop, who loves sports
Bob's Uncle Seymour and Aunt Bernice
Bob's second cousin Schlomo in Brooklyn
Bob's nephew Baxter
Bob's cousin Darrell
Nigel, Bob's pen pal in New Zealand
Bob's sister-in-law Delphine, who volunteers at the animal shelter
Percy the Pickpocket, Bob's third cousin once removed (the relative no one likes to talk about... every family has one)
The Bluebird of Happiness™ (no relation to Bob)
A pair of boobies (also no relation to Bob, but included for readers who desire titillation)
A pair of tits (in case the boobies were insufficiently titillating)
Bluebird Bitter™, the beer they named for Bob
Bored of education
August 14, 2020A young man, fresh out of college, reported for his first day of work at a grocery store.
The manager greeted him with a smile and a handshake, then handed him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the stockroom.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” protested the young man.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” said the manager. “I had no idea. Here, give me the broom, and I’ll show you how it’s done.”
❧ ❧ ❧ ❧ ❧
A college student told his professor that he would have to miss a scheduled exam because of a funeral. The professor expressed his sympathy, and told the student he could take it the following week.
But the next week the student once again missed the exam, due to another funeral. The professor told him he would have to take it the following week.
“I’ll take it next week if no one dies,” said the student.
“How is it that so many people you know have died in such a short time?” asked the professor.
“I don’t know any of these people,” said the student. “But I’m the only gravedigger in town.”
❧ ❧ ❧ ❧ ❧
The dean of admissions at an agricultural college was interviewing a prospective student.
“What made you choose farming as a career?” asked the dean.
“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, just like my father,” replied the student.
“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” said the dean.
“No,” said the student. “But he always dreamed of it.”
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