November 30, 2018
A helicopter pilot started having engine trouble while flying over the Scottish highlands, and had to make an emergency landing in the middle of a sheep pasture. He got out and walked over to where the shepherd was sitting and smoking his pipe.
“I say, good fellow,” said the pilot. “Can you tell me where I might find a mechanic?”
The shepherd shook his head.
“Nae, laddie,” he said. “But I kin tell ye where to find a McPherson or a McCormick.”
May 27, 2018
A Scotsman named Angus painted houses for a living. Because he was a penny pincher, he often thinned down his paint with water to make it go a wee bit farther. He got away with this until the day he painted the house of Brother McTavish, who was an elder in the Presbyterian church.
Just when Angus had almost finished the job, suddenly there was a loud clap of thunder and rain began pouring down, washing all the watered-down paint from the house. Then a bolt of lightning struck the ladder where Angus was standing and knocked him to the ground.
Angus knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, and he fell to his knees and cried out, “Forgive me, Lord! What should I do?” And from the thunder came a mighty voice saying, “Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”
March 11, 2018
A Scotsman who was planning a trip to the Holy Land was aghast when he learned that it would cost sixty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.
“In Scotland it wouldn’t have been more than twenty,” said the Scotsman.
“Yes,” said the travel agent, “but remember, the Sea of Galilee is water on which Jesus himself walked.”
The Scotsman said, “Well, at sixty dollars an hour for a boat, it’s no wonder he walked.”