Senior moments

May 16, 2023

Senior moments

April 11, 2023

Senior moments

March 3, 2023

Jack’s wife, concerned about his declining cognitive health, made an appointment for him with a geriatric specialist. 

Jack asked the doctor how they determine when someone should be put in an old age home.

“We have a simple test we use,” said the doctor. “We fill a bathtub with water, then we offer the person a teaspoon, a drinking glass, and a bucket, and tell them to empty the tub.”

“Oh, I get it,” said Jack. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the teaspoon or the glass.”

“No, a normal person would pull the plug,” said the doctor. “Would you like a bed near the window?”

❧  ❧  ❧  ❧  ❧

An elderly lady was giving directions to her grandson, who was coming to visit with his wife.

“I’m in apartment 12T,” she said. “When you get to the front door of the building you’ll see a big panel. Push button 12T with your elbow and I’ll buzz you in. When you get inside, the elevator will be on your right. Get in the elevator and hit 12 with your elbow. When you get out of the elevator, my door will be to your left. Hit the doorbell with your elbow.”

“That sounds simple enough,” said her grandson. “But why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“What?” said Grandma. “You mean you’re coming empty-handed?”

❧  ❧  ❧  ❧  ❧

Three brothers had each started a business, and as all three businesses prospered, the brothers became wealthy men. One day they talked about the gifts they planned to give their mother for her eightieth birthday.

The first said, “I bought a beautiful mansion for her.”

The second said, “I bought her a limousine and hired a chauffeur to drive her wherever she wants to go.”

The third said, “Remember how Mother used to love reading her Bible, before her eyesight failed? Well, I bought her a parrot that recites the entire Bible. Mother will only have to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.”

Shortly after her birthday, the mother sent each son a thank-you note.

“Dear Milton,” she wrote to the first son, “The house you gave me is so big, I feel lost in it. I live alone, so what do I need all these extra rooms for?”

“Dear Gerald,” she wrote to the second son, “I am too old to travel. I stay home most of the time, so I rarely use the car, and the driver is a real pain in the neck.”

“Dear Baxter,” she wrote to the third son, “You alone have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious.”


Senior moments

January 30, 2023

Puppy love

December 7, 2022

How to be an excellent grandparent

November 16, 2022

It’s not as difficult as you might think.


Dissenting adults

October 19, 2022

An oldie but goodie.

❧ ❧ ❧ ❧ ❧

Elmer and Doris, an elderly couple on a fixed income, went to the state fair every year. At the fair was a helicopter pilot offering rides for fifty dollars, and every year Elmer said to Doris, “I’d really like to ride in that helicopter.”

Every year, Doris replied, “Elmer, that helicopter ride costs fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is a lot of money.”

One year Elmer said, “Doris, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter now, I might never have another chance.”

As usual, Doris replied, “Elmer, that helicopter ride costs fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is a lot of money.”

Overhearing the couple, the pilot said, “I’ll tell you what. I’ll take you both for a ride. If you can get through the entire ride without speaking a word, I won’t charge you, but if you say anything, it will cost you fifty dollars.”

Elmer and Doris agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of crazy maneuvers, but not a word was said. He did every daredevil trick he knew, trying to get a reaction, but neither of his passengers uttered so much as a peep.

When they landed, the pilot said, “I’m really impressed. I did everything I could think of to get you to say something, but you didn’t.”

Elmer replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Doris fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is a lot of money.”

Senior moments

October 4, 2022

Senior moments

September 20, 2022

Happy National Grandparents Day

September 11, 2022

%d bloggers like this: