Senior moments

February 15, 2017


Senior moment

October 26, 2016


Senior moments

August 8, 2016


Over the hill? What hill? I don’t remember any hill

July 18, 2016


Going postal

June 23, 2016

Wally was a postal worker who worked in the dead letter office. One Wednesday afternoon, a letter arrived addressed to God in shaky handwriting. Wally opened it and read:

Dear God,

I am an 81 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Two of my dearest friends are coming to my house for dinner on Sunday, but without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Please help me.

Sincerely,

Elvira

Wally was deeply moved. He showed the letter to his fellow workers, and they all decided to take up a collection to help the widow. When everyone had contributed, they had $95, which Wally put into an envelope and mailed to her.

On Tuesday of the following week, another letter arrived, addressed to God in the same shaky handwriting. All of the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,

I can never thank you enough for what you did for me! Because of your gift, I was able to make a wonderful dinner for my friends. We had a lovely time, and I told them about what you had done for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Love,

Elvira

p.s. There was $5 missing. I think it must have been those thieves at the post office.


A rose by any other name

March 2, 2016

Walt showed up late for the card party at the senior center. He blamed it on his poor memory, which seemed to be growing worse with age.

“You know, I used to have that problem too,” said his friend Stan. “But then I went to a memory clinic, and they taught us some really great techniques, like visualization and association, and I haven’t had a problem since.”

“Really?” said Walt. “That sounds like just what I need. What was the name of the clinic?”

Stan’s mind went blank. He thought and thought, and finally he said, “What do you call that flower with the long thorny stem?”

“You mean a rose?” said Walt.

“That’s it!” said Stan. Then he turned to his wife and said, “Hey Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?”


Let the memory live again

February 3, 2016

Stan and Lois, both in their eighties, were becoming more and more forgetful. On the advice of their doctor, they began carrying small notebooks and pencils with them so they could write down things they wanted to remember.

One evening while they were watching television, Stan got up from his chair.

Lois said, “Where are you going?”

Stan said, “To the kitchen for a glass of water.”

Lois said, “While you’re there, will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”

Stan said, “Sure.”

Lois said, “You’d better write it down so you won’t forget.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down. You want a bowl of ice cream. I can remember that.”

Lois said, “Can you put some strawberries on top?”

Stan said, “Sure, I can do that.”

Lois said, “You’d better write it down so you won’t forget.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down! Ice cream and strawberries. I can remember that.”

Lois said, “I want some whipped cream on it too. You’d better write it down. I’m sure you’ll forget if you don’t write it down.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream! How hard is that to remember?”

Stan shuffled off to the kitchen, grumbling all the way. He was gone for about twenty minutes, and when he returned, he handed Lois a plate of bacon and eggs.

Lois looked at the plate, then looked at Stan reproachfully and said, “Where’s my toast?”


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