Happy National Grandparents Day

September 12, 2021


Sunday funnies

August 22, 2021

Mildred had attended mass faithfully all her life, but shortly after her 100th birthday, she stopped going. Fr. Gregory was concerned at her absence and went to call on her.

To his relief, he found Mildred in excellent health. He asked her why she had stopped coming to mass.

“Well, Father,” she said, “when I got to be 90, I really expected God to take me any day. But I made it to 95, and then 100, so I figured God’s been busy and must have forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him.”


Happy Senior Citizens Day

August 21, 2021


Happy National Girlfriends Day

August 1, 2021

Yes, it’s a real thing.

❧❧❧

A group of girlfriends, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View because the waiters there were so handsome.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View because the food and wine were so good.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View because it had the nicest restrooms.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View because it was wheelchair accessible.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View because they had never been there before.

 


Senior moments

July 19, 2021


Monday chuckles

July 19, 2021


Senior moments

March 23, 2021


Let the memory live again

February 25, 2021

Stan and Lois, both in their eighties, were becoming more and more forgetful. On the advice of their doctor, they began carrying small notebooks and pencils with them so they could write down things they wanted to remember.

One evening while they were watching television, Stan got up from his chair.

Lois said, “Where are you going?”

Stan said, “To the kitchen for a glass of water.”

Lois said, “While you’re there, will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”

Stan said, “Sure.”

Lois said, “You’d better write it down so you won’t forget.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down. You want a bowl of ice cream. I can remember that.”

Lois said, “Can you put some strawberries on top?”

Stan said, “Sure, I can do that.”

Lois said, “You’d better write it down so you won’t forget.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down! Ice cream and strawberries. I can remember that.”

Lois said, “I want some whipped cream on it too. You’d better write it down. You’ll forget if you don’t write it down.”

Stan said, “I don’t need to write it down! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream! How hard is that to remember?”

Stan shuffled off to the kitchen, grumbling all the way. He was gone for about twenty minutes, and when he returned, he handed Lois a plate of bacon and eggs.

Lois looked at the plate, then looked at Stan and said, “Where’s my toast?”

 

 


A rose by any other name

February 16, 2021

Walt showed up late for the card party at the senior center. He blamed it on his poor memory, which seemed to be growing worse with age.

“You know, I used to have that problem too,” said his friend Stan. “But then I went to a memory clinic, and they taught us some really great techniques, like visualization and association, and I haven’t had a problem since.”

“That sounds like just what I need,” said Walt. “What was the name of the clinic?”

Stan’s mind went blank. He thought and thought, and finally he said, “What do you call that flower with the long thorny stem?”

“You mean a rose?” said Walt.

“That’s it!” said Stan. Then he turned to his wife and said, “Hey Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?”


Sunday funnies

January 10, 2021

Wally was a postal worker assigned to the dead letter office. One Wednesday afternoon a letter arrived addressed to God in shaky handwriting. Wally opened it and read:

Dear God,

I am an elderly widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Two of my dearest friends are coming to my house for dinner on Sunday, but I have no money to buy food. I have no family to turn to. You are my only hope. Please help me.

Sincerely,

Elvira

Wally showed the letter to his fellow workers, and they decided to take up a collection to help the widow. When everyone had contributed, they had $95, which Wally put into an envelope and mailed to her.

On Tuesday of the following week another letter arrived, addressed to God in the same shaky handwriting. All of the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,

I can never thank you enough for what you did for me! Because of your gift, I was able to make a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a wonderful time, and I told them all about what you had done for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Love,

Elvira

p.s. There was $5 missing. I think it must have been those thieves at the post office.


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