It was the first of May
A lovely warm spring day
I was strolling down the street in drunken pride;
But my knees were all a-flutter,
And I landed in the gutter
And a pig came up and lay down by my side.
Yes, I lay there in the gutter
Thinking thoughts I could not utter
When a lady passing by did softly say:
“You can tell a man who boozes
By the company he chooses” —
And the pig got up and slowly walked away.
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig up his garden and plant vegetables, but the ground was just too hard. His only son was in the state penitentiary. The old man wrote a letter to his son:
I’m feeling sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Whatever you do, don’t dig up that garden — that’s where I buried the bodies!
Early the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
Later that day the old man received another letter from his son:
Go ahead and plant your garden now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.