Sunday funnies

December 5, 2021


Sunday funnies

November 28, 2021


Sunday funnies

November 21, 2021

A Scotsman who was planning a trip to the Holy Land was aghast when he learned that it would cost sixty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.

“In Scotland it wouldn’t have been more than twenty,” said the Scotsman.

“Yes,” said the travel agent, “but remember, the Sea of Galilee is water on which Jesus himself walked.”

The Scotsman said, “Well, at sixty dollars an hour for a boat, it’s no wonder he walked.”


Sunday funnies

November 14, 2021


Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years

November 7, 2021

From The Genesius Times.

A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years.

“I’ve done my work and I save my daylight,” the retired urologist Bill Pardot explains, “but I’m not stupid and I don’t go spending it every fall, completely wasting the hour I saved.”

Pardot has been changing his clocks just like everyone each spring, but has yet to change them back every fall, thus giving him a full 24-hours of daylight a day.

Every year there are grumbles when we’re told to “Spring forward” and then “Fall back” as if those phrases mean anything. Critics of Daylight Savings Time say that the institution is a complete mind-numbing waste of time and doesn’t really do anything to benefit anyone, but Mr. Pardot appears to have solved the puzzle.

“Just don’t Fall back and you keep all the daylight you’ve saved! It’s so simple!”

Pardot claims to live in constant daylight. “I can do so much more since it’s always daytime for me and I don’t have to spend anything on energy since you supposedly save energy for the ‘Daylight Savings’ hour.”

Pardot has a message for governments and citizens around the world who have succumbed to the thoughtless tyranny of Daylight Savings Time propaganda: “Why do you sheeple squander that hard-earned daylight?? Keep saving it and eventually, if you save enough hours of daylight, you’ll live in eternal sunshine like me!”


Sunday funnies

October 24, 2021


Sunday funnies

October 17, 2021


Sunday funnies

October 10, 2021

From The Babylon Bee.

The TL;DR Edition of All 66 Books of the Bible

Forget about reading through the Bible in a year—now you can read through the Bible in about five minutes!

Genesis – God makes everything and it’s really good for about 3.2 seconds.

Exodus – YAHWEH VS. RA FIGHT NIGHT ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!

Leviticus – STOP DOING GROSS STUFF.

Numbers – Israel makes a wrong turn near Mt. Sinai, refuses to ask for directions.

Deuteronomy – I SAID STOP DOING GROSS STUFF GOSH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.

Joshua – The hotly anticipated product launch of Moses 2.0.

Judges – A riveting documentary on the doctrine of total depravity.

Ruth – The Bachelorette: Hebrew Edition.

1 Samuel – David & Goliath.

2 Samuel – David & Goliath: The direct-to-VHS sequel.

1 Kings – Solomon marries a ton of women and that turns out to be a really bad idea. Who knew!

2 Kings – Israel and Judah go 0-for-2 in a deathmatch against Babylon and Assyria. Shoulda declared Philippians 4:13 over that mess, guys…

1 Chronicles – A sweeping documentary of Israel’s history, like those sprawling 24-VHS sets covering World War 2 your dad probably has.

2 Chronicles – A sweeping documentary of Israel’s history, like those sprawling 24-VHS sets covering World War 2 your dad probably has—PART 2.

Ezra – The Temple gets an Extreme Home Makeover.

Nehemiah – Jerusalem gets an Extreme Home Makeover.

Esther – A brave Jewish woman saves her people. Full of more exciting drama and intrigue than any episode of Game of Thrones, plus way more clothing.

Job – Hebrew country music song.

Psalms – An ancient Hillsong album with sheep metaphors instead of ocean metaphors.

Proverbs – GOD PITIES THE FOOL WHO DON’T FOLLOW HIM.

Ecclesiastes – Everything is meaningless, except everything isn’t really meaningless because God gives everything meaning. Whoa.

Song of Solomon – Go ask your parents.

Isaiah – Make Worship Great Again!

Jeremiah – God has a great plan and a future for you and definitely not any suffering nope not at all.

Lamentations – 😥

Ezekiel – A total Lovecraftian mind-trip with bones and eagles and flaming psychedelic wheels and stuff.

Daniel – Daniel fights his own personal lions who also happen to be actual lions that want to eat him.

Hosea – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Joel – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Amos – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Obadiah – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Jonah – An anthropomorphic asparagus goes on an adventure with some pirates.

Micah – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Nahum – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Habakkuk – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Zephaniah – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Haggai – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Zechariah – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Malachi – Minor prophet who’s not Jonah—feel free to skip.

Matthew – Peter does dumb stuff, Jesus is the Messiah.

Mark – Peter does dumb stuff, Jesus is the suffering Servant.

Luke – Peter does dumb stuff, Jesus is the Son of Man.

John – Peter does dumb stuff, Jesus is the Son of God.

Acts – Miracles, shipwrecks, lots of tongues. Basically John MacArthur’s worst nightmare.

Romans – God justifies, man screws stuff up.

1 Corinthians – Stop screwing stuff up, Corinth.

2 Corinthians – CORINTH. I MEAN IT THIS TIME CORINTH.

Galatians – Romans but shorter.

Ephesians – Romans but shorter 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Philippians – You can win sports games through Jesus.

Colossians – Jesus rules all of creation, yes even the weird stuff like platypi.

1 Thessalonians – Jesus is coming around the mountain when he comes.

2 Thessalonians – A letter full of encouragement and inspiration, like an ancient Max Lucado book.

1 Timothy – Ladies, plz stop talking.

2 Timothy – Paul gives his dying instructions to Timothy, much like Yoda to Luke in Return of the Jedi.

Titus – Basically a first-century vision-casting conference for young pastors.

Philemon – Paul’s passive-aggressive anti-slavery manifesto.

Hebrews – Moses gets straight ethered for 13 chapters.

James – Act more gooder, people.

1 Peter – U gonna suffer fam.

2 Peter – Bro, Paul’s really confusing plz help.

1 John – God is love m’kay?

2 John – Yup, He’s still love.

3 John – HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT PEOPLE GOSH.

Jude – Stop being heretics plz, k thx bye.

Revelation – Kirk Cameron fights the Antichrist in order to save Christmas from the new world order. Thanks, Kirk!


Sunday funnies

October 3, 2021


Sunday funnies

September 26, 2021


%d bloggers like this: