An oldie but goodie.
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Late one night a burglar broke into a house that he thought was unoccupied. He hadn’t gotten far when he heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching.”
The burglar froze.
After a brief silence the voice repeated, “Jesus is watching.”
The burglar looked where the voice seemed to be coming from, and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Jesus is watching,” repeated the parrot.
“Shut up, you stupid bird,” said the burglar.
“I’m not a stupid bird,” said the parrot. “I’m John the Baptist.”
“John the Baptist? What kind of idiot names a bird John the Baptist?”
“The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
On Fr. Gregory’s day off he went to the golf course dressed in his civvies. He was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a stranger approached and asked if he could join him. Fr. Greg usually played alone, but he agreed to make it a twosome.
Fr. Greg and the stranger were even after the first two holes. The stranger suggested that since they seemed to be pretty evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole? Fr. Greg had never been much for betting, but he agreed.
The stranger won the remaining sixteen holes with ease, and Fr. Greg handed over $80.00. The stranger then confessed that he was actually a pro who liked to pick on suckers, whereupon Fr. Greg revealed that he was a parish priest.
The pro was embarrassed and apologetic and tried to return Fr. Greg’s money, but the priest refused to take it, insisting that the other had won it fair and square. Still, the pro felt guilty for having taken advantage of a priest, and asked if there were anything he could do to make it up to him.
Fr. Greg suggested that he come to mass on Sunday and make a donation to the church. The pro agreed to this. He thanked the priest, picked up his clubs, and turned to leave.
“And while you’re at it,” Fr. Greg called after him, “bring your mother and father with you, and I’ll marry them.”