From The Daily Currant.
Donald Trump has a plan to fight obesity.
During a campaign stop in North Dakota this morning, a reporter from local WNOT-TV News pressed the Republican frontrunner on his plans for fighting America’s growing weight problem.
“I would build a nationwide network of weight loss clinics and I would force Rosie O’Donnell to pay for it,” Trump responded emphatically. “I looked this up the other day, and I couldn’t believe it — Rosie O’Donnell is worth $100 million. How does someone with no talent make that kind of money? But it’s true. And we could do so many great things with that money. Not just weight-loss clinics. But also exercise programs. Community vegetable gardens. Reforming dietary guidelines, so we can teach our kids how to eat properly.
“And frankly I think Rosie should pay for all of this because she’s setting a bad example. She’s gets on TV looking like a taste tester at a donut factory. And women all across America say to themselves, ‘It’s okay to be a fat slob. I can still be rich and on television.’ Well it’s not okay. Obesity is a serious issue and it’s killing our nation. And millions of women are fat in this country because of Rosie O’Donnell. Millions. So yes, we’re going to solve obesity. We’re going to create the biggest, most efficient nationwide weight-loss program the Earth has ever seen. It’s gonna be huge. And you better believe Rosie will pay for it.”
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. —Dave Barry
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